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‘Am I okay?’ I asked myself again, for the hundredth time. ‘I don’t know,’ I told myself again, for the hundredth time. I have never been so confused. For my entire life, I have taken decisions with a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’: ‘Do I want to go for engineering?’ ‘Yes’; ‘Do I need to go for another job?’ ‘No’; ‘Should I look for career in writing?’; ‘Yes’; ‘Do I love her?’ ‘Yes’; ‘Am I okay?’ I asked myself again, for the hundredth time. ‘I don’t know,’ I told myself again, for the hundredth time. I have never been so confused. For my entire life, I have taken decisions with a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’: ‘Do I want to go for engineering?’ ‘Yes’; ‘Do I need to go for another job?’ ‘No’; ‘Should I look for career in writing?’; ‘Yes’; ‘Do I love her?’ ‘Yes’; ‘Should I smoke?’ ‘No’; ‘Should I drink?’ ‘Yes’ –my whole life has revolved around these two words. And the same words worked while making the most important decision of my life – my marriage. ‘Should I go for love marriage?’ ‘Yes’. Why shouldn’t I? After all, she is beautiful, fair and tall, with a shapely body, and with that tiny mole under her lower lip that most guys would be ready to die for. Overall, a trustworthy companion, a perfect daughter-in-law and an ambitious girl – what else does a guy want? But one year of marriage can prove you wrong. It can even give a shock perhaps. Just the thought that a girl in her mid-twenties can hold so many secrets, so many emotions, is actually astonishing. Few months ago, I would’ve never pictured things the way they are now. She once said to me: ‘Love has nothing to do with the body. It speaks from the soul.’ Well, she was absolutely correct. But I think, I was an Idiot as what she meant that day came into my wits now… I was uncomfortably aware of my conscience every time I faintly turned the page of her diary, and every time a feeling went through my nerves, like I was about to bite my own tongue. How had something so simple become so tangled and complicated suddenly? I still remember the first time I had met her. As much as I tried not to think about her, she kept flitting into my consciousness or into my line of sight. And I was clear that I wanted her. I want to formalize the relationship. How? I don’t know. But yes, my sentiments were really honest. That’s it. But now, it’s something different.

‘Am I okay?’ I asked myself again, for the hundredth time. ‘I don’t know,’ I told myself again, for the hundredth time. I have never been so confused. For my entire life, I have taken decisions with a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’: ‘Do I want to go for engineering?’ ‘Yes’; ‘Do I need to go for another job?’ ‘No’; ‘Should I look for career in writing?’; ‘Yes’; ‘Do I love her?’ ‘Yes’; ‘Am I okay?’ I asked myself again, for the hundredth time. ‘I don’t know,’ I told myself again, for the hundredth time. I have never been so confused....  Read More